How many times have these words “I’m not in the mood” stopped you and your partner from getting intimate? There are many reasons Canadian couples start having less sex, especially as relationships mature. This not only takes a toll on a relationship but can affect mood, sleep cycles, heart health and more. That’s why many experts say you should think twice before turning down intimacy, even if you aren’t “feeling it” in the beginning.
At FullMast Men’s Health Clinic, we often describe sex as being akin to going to the gym. We all know we should do it. When we’re there, we feel good. When we’re done working out, we feel great. We wonder why it had been so difficult to motivate ourselves to hit the gym in the first place. This can be the same with sex – it can seem like a chore in the beginning, but the intimacy and release can make it very worth your while. Here are a few reasons it could be worth pushing past the lack of “mood” to revitalize your sex life.
Responsive desire means people can get “in the mood” after some fooling around.
Many people think that the desire to have sex should be a spontaneous craving. However, much like going to the gym, this isn’t always the case. Sometimes you don’t feel like having sex, but if you start kissing and caressing each other, you suddenly find yourself ready for intimacy. This is called responsive desire and is the primary desire style for 30% of men and 80%-90% of women.
For many people, particularly women, arousal typically comes before the desire for sex. Engaging in foreplay can often set that arousal into motion. In other words, the act of touching and teasing motivates couples to have sex, instead of the other way around.
“Responsive desire happens when you’re not really looking for it but something sexy like your partner comes along and starts kissing your neck,” says Emily Nagoski, a women’s sexuality lecturer. “You’re in a good state of mind, your body lights up and you go, ‘Oh right, sex! That’s a good idea! We should do that.’”
Why science says regular sex is good for your health.
We know that sex on a regular basis is good for our health. It lowers our blood pressure, reduces our risk of heart disease, and boosts our immune system. Here are just a few of the recent findings from researchers exploring this topic:
- Sex is akin to light physical exercise, so over time can lower stress and improve heart health. Regular sex combined with a good diet and exercise regimen can be a winning combination for a long, healthy life.
- Those with diseases such as Type 2 Diabetes or even life-threatening illnesses tend to survive and thrive much longer when they have an active sex life to look forward to – as long as it isn’t too strenuous for their treatment plan.
- Sex can help you feel connected to your partner, increasing bonding between a couple while decreasing sexual interest from straying outside the relationship.
- The kick of estrogen women get from a satisfying encounter can improve mood, stress levels and give skin an extra glow.
- The exertion from sex combined with the hormonal release from orgasm can promote higher quality sleep in both men and women.
How to promote a healthy sex life at home.
An active sex life may come naturally early on in a relationship, but as time wears on it may take a bit more effort to stay active and engaged in the bedroom. While science says it is well worth the work, there are some realities that can make this difficult. Here is some of our top advice for navigating these common challenges.
“We’re just too busy!”
Couples need to make good, regular sex a priority. It might not seem very sexy or spontaneous, but the best way to do this can be clearly scheduling the time. Remember, research into responsive desire clearly shows that sex doesn’t have to be spontaneous for it to be satisfying. So go ahead – mark “Touchy Tuesdays” on the calendar. Your body and relationship will thank you.
Sex should be part of a healthy lifestyle. If you are sleep deprived, overworked, or spend too much time watching TV, chances are fatigue will catch up with you. It’s important to find and address the root cause of your tiredness in order to regain your sex life. And remember, if trouble falling or staying asleep is the culprit, an orgasm can actually help you get a better night’s rest.
“I can’t perform like I used to.”
From erectile dysfunction to vaginal pain, there are many medical reasons couples could put sex on hold. But there is no reason to let medical issues stop you from having sex. There are plenty of safe, effective treatments for ED now available – you can check out our list of erectile dysfunction treatments for Canadian men to learn more. Difficulty performing sexually is often a sign of more serious medical issues, so this is one checkup that could save your relationship and your life.
If you need medical support to understand and treat ED, we are here to help. Schedule your free, confidential consultation with the FullMast Clinic in Toronto or Vancouver, or call 1-844-500-1177 for more information.